26 REDS & A BOTTLE OF WINE

I'm not saying I'm not, I'm just asking if it would be okay. I'm starting to get the feeling that not being totally into them is a federal offense.

That Crazy track rocks, thanks M-CAT! I take back what I've said about you on this blog. Read more!

I read two pieces today that sent my Nerd-bash-o-meter (patent pending) through the roof.

First, here is how not to contribute to society.

Second, here is a guy who has given up entirely on getting laid.

One of the greatest legacies of the internet is that it has given the nerds of the world a false sense of comfort. I bet these two nerds live lives nearly totally free of wedgies, rear admirals and just good old fashion beatings. Sad, really.... Read more!

My friend DJ's band, Dirty On Purpose, is playing at our old school (not a Steely Dan reference), Pratt, this Friday along with French Kicks, Love as Laughter, Broken Spindles and Kevin Devine.

It's a free afternoon show so if you're anywhere near Fort Greene, Brooklyn call your boss friday morning and repeat after me: "I ate some bad shrimp last night, they tasted funny but I ate them anyway." Read more!

I feel like I may have gotten myself into something I can't get out of here. I do not have a Yes cover exit strategy.

Robert Downey Jr. - Your Move

Yes, THE Robert Downey Jr. I could say a lot here but I'll leave it all to you in the comment section. Read more!

Behold the full majesty of all that is Lars Tetens.

Who is Lars Tetens? I think Lars’ web lackey says it best: “Lars Tetens is a man of so many talents he has been dubbed a modern day Leonardo Da Vinci by those who appreciate his works.” The key part of this is ‘by those who appreciate his works.’ Honest can sometimes be very subtle.

I think he’s being a bit modest, after all Da Vinci wasn’t making his own pizza spices at five: “From five years old, the crafts and hobbies Lars explored as a child have produced products in a wide range of categories that are at the top of their industries in quality and design.” That’s almost a sentence.

“With luxury goods and science and technology, he is known world wide not only for his sumptuous exotic chocolates and truffles and his beautiful clothing and accessory designs, but for bringing back the lost ancient cigar making techniques that date back thousands of years.” Yes, the lost ancient technique of rolling uneven sloppy cigars.

But Lars is more than a fat guy with poor quality control and a wierd sort of love for RIchard Nixon, he’s an artist. Just one look at his delicately handled watercolors and you see the artist’s true heart. It truly is rare to see such skill, craftsmanship and delicate understanding outside of a zoo or a mental institution. With his oil paints Lars has the sensitivity of a freshman art student in his first day of light & color theory. His paintings are worthy of of hanging in any fine collection. The 'It's a Wonderful Ass', right next to the 'Mona Lisa'.

“Lars Tetens line of couture clothing combines class, style and elegance with comfort and casualness.” Yes, for the man or woman confident enough to be seen in public in a burlap sack, yet lazy enough to wear pajamas everywhere they go. “Lars does most of the stitching himself; only relying on two apprentices with whom he's worked with for years. Lars never uses patterns and all cuts and designs are totally Lars's vision.” It’s quiet a vision. Like a prison camp movie, without the sense of style.

But perhaps Lars finest achievements have been in the lively arts. Lars sits at the helm of three bands, including The Lars Tetens Jazz Experience, a jazz ensemble where Lars plays all the instruments. Or course he does, he must, no one else could be trusted to play piano off beat and out of tune. In his hardcore band, 24A69, Lars brings the professionalism of Insane Clown Posse to the uncompromising talent of… well, Insane Clown Posse. The result is a sound that… well, it’s a sound. Look at this dwebe in his hat and his glasses, doesn't it jus tmake you want to puke?

I know what you are wondering: How does one man find the time to be so bad at so many things? It’s one of the mysteries of Lars Tetens, one of the many mysteries. Read more!

So while I'm on the subject of Negativland, here is a mixtape I did a while ago using a few of their tracks. I hadn't mastered breaking the tracks up so track 1 is around 50 minutes and track 2 around 15.

J.R.Knight - Another Perfect Cut 1
J.R.Knight - Another Perfect Cut 2 Read more!

Today is The Feast of St. George, slayer of the Dragon, patron saint of Istanbul (and herpes)

also

The anniversary of the first 24-Hour Comic Day

and

Newman's Day

Of course you probably just went to work, you fucking scumbag!! Read more!

Woody Allen once said that the world is split into the Horrible and the Miserable. He was onto something.

Here in New York City, after September 11, people were saying things that didn’t make a lot of sense. All these upper middle class people who had happily moved themselves ghettos for a sense of cultural diversity were now panic stricken at the thought of being blown up Jerusalem style. People who had no problem walking down Myrtle Ave. (once called Murder Ave. by Digable Planet) at two in the morning, alone and drunk, were now scared shitless at the prospect of traveling above the six floor of an office building.

People were buying parachutes for Christ sake.

I had a friend who called me in a panic every time a train was late or a police car sirened by or if a plane looked like it was too low in the sky. Literally New York was waiting for the sky to fall. But mostly people were talking about getting out of New York.

Now, leaving New York City for good isn’t just something you do. New Yorkers aren’t here for kicks or the fucking weather and we’re certainly not here for The Knicks. We’re here because we have to be. Living in NYC requires an almost constant reaffirmation. So deciding you want to leave is a bit like deciding you want to stop using heroine three times a day.

And some people did. My friend Billy took his two little girls and his wife and moved out to East Hampton. My friend Katie went all the way to Colorado. But for the most part we just all grinned and bared it.

On the BBC the other day they were talking about how scientists are all in agreement that San Francisco is due for another big one and since we know this why don’t people leave. Anyone wondering that has never lived anywhere they like. After all, you’re going to die somewhere. Pick you’re spot.

In other words: While you’re running from terrorists, earthquakes and black teenagers boys this happens, and you look like a jackass. Read more!

Also, I'm taking open submissions for logos for both 26 reds and SnotRag. Read more!

I don't have to tell you that I love Skittlepuppy. I think she's the sweetest thing since candy canes. I love her blog too, but I think her most recent creation, Candy Striper, the candy blog, is fucking genius. She told me she thinks it's a bit childish. I admit it's a little too ironic having a girl as smart as S-puppy writing about sourballs but that's what makes it all so genius.

Anyway, without her permission (which I'm sure I'm gonna hear about later) I'm stealing her idea for SnotRag, my new magazine on all things libertine (that rhymes!) So I need a candy correspondent. Read more!

I don't take the overdose warnings on DayQuil seriously. I'm eating the stuff over an ice cream sundae as I type. Read more!

I first came in contact with Negativland about 10 years ago when I randomly bought a copy of the Over The Edge: Muriel’s Purse Fund CD. Over The Edge is Negativland’s weekly radio show. Over The Edge is exactly the sort of odd, nebulous shit I’m all about.

Anyway, there are lots of good solid reasons to love Negativland; They once labeled U2 ‘pretentious’ and proved it by being sued by U2 over a song Negativland produced called U2 (the single was made to look like a release by U2 called Negativland). They faked a scandal by spreading a rumor that their music had been involved in (if not the cause of ) a brutal mass murder. After the media swarmed the band they released an album called Helter Stupid. Oh, they also have an ongoing prank involving the invention of a new color called Squant.

So here’s what happened. For years now I’ve been bothered by a sample on a Negativland song (their songs are almost all samples). It’s been eating at me. So finally I did something about it:

ME: (wed 2:56 PM) Hey, I've been a fan for a long time. Keep up the great work. I had one question that has been bugging me for a few years. What is the song sampled at the end of The Perfect Cut (48 hours)? It's a great little track. - Thanks

(Negativland band member) Mark Hosler: (thurs 12:45 AM) Jesse- Most of the music on there is a mix of stuff we sampled, looped, and then played on top of.
Richard might know the answer to your specific question, as he picked out a lot of the basic samples we used for the music on that one... mark

Negativland band member) Dick Lyons: (thurs 2:14 PM) Well, Jesse, there's a lot of music on that track. Most of it is from TM Productions radio demos. Perhaps you could narrow it down. If you're referring to the "Now's The Time, 48 hours to switch," that would be "Keep It Comin' Love," by KC & The Sunshine Band. Feel free to let me know if I'm off base, and I'll try again. Thanks, Richard

Me: (thurs 2:48 PM) First of all, how awesome is it that you guys got back to me with my pain in the ass question in less than 24 hours? Second, yes, that is totally the sample I was thinking of, what's embarrassing is that I own that record somewhere. I was just thinking it was much more obscure. Thanks a lot guys. Jesse

I’m sure the members of Negativland have better things to do than answer ridiculous e-mails like mine. I think it’s sweet they did and I felt I should mention it here.

The worst part of this post is that I have now admitted to owning a KC and The Sunshine Band record.

Negativland – U2

UPDATE:
Got this at 5:30 this afternoon

From Dick Lyons: No obscurity here. The song peaked at #2 in 1977, and would have easily made it to #1, if not for Debby Boone's "You Light Up My Life."

I've attatched an excellent quality mp3 of the song that I just picked up a few days ago. Hopefully your box will hold it. Feel free to write with any questions about our releases. If you want any other pop songs, I pretty much have them all, and it's no trouble for me to send them your way.

Thanks again,
Richard Read more!

The 19th and 20th of April are bad days here in the modern age. Take a look at the stats

April 19th

1961 - Bay of Pigs
1965 - Suge Knight is born
1971 - Charles Manson is sentenced (not a bad thing but still...)
1989 - The infamous Center Park Jogger is raped (this is a NYC thing)
1993 - ATF agents raid the Branch Davidian compound outside Waco, Texas with not so great results
1995 - Oklahoma City Bombing

Now add that to April 20th

1889 - Hitler's birthday
1967 - The Swiss Britinnia crash - 126 killed
1968 - The South African Airways Windhoek crash - 122 killed
1972 - Carmen Elektra's birthday
1978 - Korean Air Flight 902 is shot down by Russian fighters
1985 - ATF agents raid The Covenant, The Sword, and the Arm of the Lord compound in northern Arkansas
1992 - Benny Hill dies
1998 - Air France crash in the mountains outside Bogota, Columbia 53 killed
1999 - Columbine High School shooting
1999 - ASJS and I begin the Week of Wine and Roses and almost lose our jobs and our lives

So what have we learned? Well, two things: First, if you run a separatist militia keep a low profile around this time of year. Second, don't get on a plane. Read more!

Let's just shorten that to 'dope'

A few weeks ago, as part of the Yes cover project I posted Leland Standford University Marching Band doing Roundabout.

Well, their back. I forgot I had this until I just came across on itunes. Here ya go.

Leland Standford University March Band - White Punks on Dope (Tubes cover)

It comes via WFMU's blog Read more!

First off I gotta say this post would never have happened without the hard work and due diligence of Sophie T. Mishap and her crack team of Irregulars. Well done to all and any involved, it's important to keep the Tuesday night tradition alive.

So while we celebrate the hard work involved in bringing this track to you we must also admit that it sucks. Steve 'hero to every employee of Guitar Center' Morse does a fine job but somehow comes up with a track that leaves you with a "ah" kind of feeling. Do with it what you will.

Steve Morse - The Clap Read more!

I want him to be as cool as he looks. He looks like this guy who drinks all day at this bar on the corner, just sitting there drinking, complaining about shit he doesn't really care about and asking you what kind of man you are. Then he makes you shoot pool with him but you have to play for pints. He doesn't give a rats ass that you're drinking gin and tonics. What kind of man are you?

In this photo he's doing the whole: "You know something? You know something? You're alright! I mean it, you are an alright guy... I'm gonna buy you a drink... Nah! Come on... One more drink, come on! What kind of man are you? Ahhh! I knew it! Get my buddy another round....... You know something? You know what? You're alright!"

Meanwhile you're like "Thank you Your Holiness!"

I'll tell you one thing though. No matter what religion you are. Where you worship, if you worship, or why you worship. No matter what color your God is or how many God you have. I'll tell you one thing.... You have GOT to love that suit! What are those? Wings? Read more!

Paul Revere, William Dawes and Samuel Prescott take a long ride on horseback after some dope in a pointy hat hangs two lanterns in the Old North Church bell tower.

Does anyone remember where they rode to and from? No cheating... the answer is at the bottom. Anyway, this was apparently the best way to let the Minutemen (how many band names are involved in this story?) militias that British Sea Power was planning on taking the store of arms. These guys were like early bloggers, except, they weren't pussies.

Only Sammy finishes the job but it's Paul who gets a band and a song named after him. So much for gratitude. To the left is a painting of Paul Revere wondering if he can make a bong outta this thing.

TRIVIA ANSWER: Who cares!?!? Read more!

I figured you could use some music. I'm not sure what one is suppose to do with this but I present to you... Leoncie.

It unclear what exactly Leoncie is. She claims to be both Indian and Icelandic, which seems a bit farfetched. But her music is one of a kind, or so says the guy who write PR for her website:

"Leoncie blends South American and Portuguese rhythms with modern pop-rock beats which creates a dynamic blend called Leoncie Music."

Awesome, you know you're about to get a treat when the only way to describe the music involves the use of the singer's name.

"Besides being a Great Singer Songwriter, she is also an incredible actress with a magnetic beautiful, Smile.." Sounds like M-CAT is writing the PR.

But the best line from the website comes from Leoncie herself (that is a woman, right?) "My Ultimate goal is to make music that people like. "

Everyone's gotta have something to shoot for.

Listen here:

Leoncie - Wrestler

Leoncie - Sexy Loverboy Read more!

So it’s been a good five days of sitting around being sick. I know what you’re thinking; ‘Lucky bastard!’. Well, I gotta tell you, I’m a little over it all. In that time I’ve watched the first two seasons of Arrested Development, The Office (UK version), Down By Law, Annie Hall, Broken Flowers and all six episodes of Fishing With John, both with and without John Lurie’s commentary. I have to say, I find that he has a calming effect on me.

I just wanted to stop by and say hi, I’m going to post again later today, still not feeling great but getting better. Cheers Read more!

Does anybody remember those shirts from the late eighties that changed color with a change in body temperture? This is a brilliant idea; 'Do you have any clothing that will highlight my pit stains?' This was in 1987 when neon was the word of the year, it was like we had just discovered the stuff. Morris Travers was the coolest guy in history for about eight months.

I bet there are like a million of these shirts in a warehouse somewhere in New Jersey.

Does anybody have any pictures of themselves or others wearing one of these firetraps? Send it to me and I'll post. Read more!

So this week saw another round in ethnic violence in Iraq. There's been so much of it laterly that it's getting hard to tell if you're reading last week's newspaper or tomorrow's. It's getting harder and harder to even tell if we're fighting the war on terror anymore, much less winning it.

It's enough to give even the President a headache.

But look at this.. Looks like a real break in the Global Struggle Against Extreme Things In The Whatchamacallit. Read more!

President Frankie D. died today in 1945 from a massive stroke, or so the Germans would have us believe. Truman nervously takes over the final little bit of, umm, unpleasantness and Henry Wallace starts kicking himself (the tree hugging hippie). Read more!

I'm glad people are reading this, only a few people but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, I have to admit that for the last week or so this website has been, well, shit. I'm aware of the problem and there is little I can do. For a week and a half now I've had an infection that has traveled from my throat to my lungs and finally, to my ear. It's left me unable to do anything except cry and swear, both of which I do quite well.

Anyway, I think I'm almost better and when I am I promise to go balls to the wall on this thing. Until then you'll have to continue to suffer with these half assed posts.

Thanks. J.R.Knight Read more!

My brother and I started a new blog called Nonversations. I'm not going to attempt to explain it here. Read more!

I'm constantly amazed at the number of people I know who have never been in a fight. I think it's only eclipsed by the number of people I know who hate their jobs. I never understood this hating your job thing. Of course your job sucks. It's work. I think these two demographics are related. After all, when was the last time some bruised knuckled badass bitched about his office manager?

It's all part of the pussification of the American male. Nowadays you can either be a NPR listening pencil-necked pussy, wearing your tortoise shelled glasses and going to coffeehouses and listening to Television live albums or you're some "with us or against us" Bush supporter. Watching Fox news and not having a clue. There's no middle ground anymore. They’re pussies on both sides.

I think most of our major pussification problems could be solved with one simple mantra: What Would Johnny Paycheck Do? If we just considered what the good Mr. Paycheck would say and do we can guide ourselves through the prickly pansy patch we call America. LEARN MORE AFTER THE
JUMP!

WWJPD at work?

Nowadays people are fond of saying things like: "I like my boss" and "My boss is awesome." The fact is that your boss is a worthless prick. Bosses themselves get this confused, they see themselves as 'approachable', or 'down to earth' when what they really mean is 'condescending' and 'incompetent'.

It's important to let your boss know just how useless you think he is. That his mere presents on the work site is a hindrance to you getting shit done. A Johnny approved method for getting your point across is the catch phrase. It lets the boss know where you stand without appearing overly hostel or intimidating. With repeat use it has a Pavlovian aspect, which can be very useful. Allow me to use one from my own work history:


My boss comes over to me while I'm doing something infinitely more important than talking to him.

Boss: You know we got that thing to take care of at 3 in the blah blah blah...
Me: (after staring blankly at my boss for a few seconds.) Why don't you go back to pushing paper?

He smiles and walks off. The next day he interrupts an important phone call about farts.

Boss: You're on top of this thing, right, cause blah blah blah...
Me: (after staring blankly at my boss for a few seconds.) Don't you have any paper to push around?

He smiles and walks off.

See, eventually I don't even have to say anything. He sees the dumb-dumb face and gets the point. Of course there are always more aggressive bosses who don't look kindly on this sort of thing. Getting fired is always an option. So Johnny offers us some good methods to help avoid getting canned.

First, let your boss know that you have access to a high-powered, semi-automatic weapon and a good amount of gasoline and your not afraid to use both. The problem with most people today is that they aren't men of action. When I hear about some guy showing back up at the office and gunning down three or four co-workers I always think the same thing: "there's a guy who can really get things done!" You want you boss to have the same feeling about you. You’re volatile, heavily armed and have little to lose. Try coming to work with a black eye. When someone asks you what happens just stare off into space and say, "Some mother fucker didn't listen". It makes you look like a man of action and those are the only men you have to look out for. No on fires a man of action. No one has the balls.

But anyone who has ever had a job knows that your boss is only ever the start of your problems. Most of your co-workers are totally incompetent and have made their primary work function making your life difficult. The best way to deal with they nosey snobs and to remind them at every possible juncture that you don't work for them and that you think they're all assholes. Remember, these are not your friends. Check out this example:

You're busy reading 26 Reds, laughing up a storm. Over walks a co-worker.

Co-worker: did you finish that thing?
You: (look up at the co-worker then back down to 26 Reds) No... I'll get to it when I get to it.
Co-worker: We really need to get that out today cause blah blah blah...
You: (looking up and back down again) I don't work for you.

See how that works. Now naturally a good number of co-worker will go to your supervisor and if enough co-worker and bosses complain you'll find yourself getting a good talking to.

It's easy to panic when you get the talking to. The modern American worker isn't comfortable being disciplined. It seems too much like a precursor to being fired. But remember you are no longer a modern American worker. You're a Johnny Paycheck worker.

First things first. Remember, they're wrong and you're right. Also remember that this personal and that they can't deal with you cause you're 'too real'. If all that gets you nowhere remember the words of the good Johnny P: 'Take this job and shove it!'

Sure, all this advice will be you fired in 4 out of 5 jobs, but when you find that fifth job, brother, you are set!


WWJPD at home?

Telling you boss to go fuck himself is one thing, but telling a spouse to go fuck themselves requires a massive set of Johnny Paychecks. Ironically it’s often your significant other that needs to hear it the most.

Usually this comes in the form of complaining, typically about some way in which you disappoint her, and let’s face it, it’s usually her.

Here’s what Johnny would do when confronted by a nagging spouse: Simply look your loved one in the eyes and say, “If you say one more word to me I’m leaving.” Your spouses naturally response will be to say something stupid to you. This is a way of testing your resolve. Don’t tolerate it. Walk out of the room, get you wallet and your jacket and leave. Just before you close the door say: “I’m going out to a bar and I don’t know when I’ll be back.” Don’t be mad, don’t raise your voice. Be as calm cool and collected as you can, you got all the time in the world for hootin’ and hollerin’ on the way to the bar.

Get good and drunk and stubble home some time around daybreak. Your spouse will have been up all night waiting for you. Perfect. Say nothing; simply get into bed and go to sleep. After a few minutes you’ll hear: “Where did you go?” Say: “A bar.”

Now, no matter what the next thing out of your spouse’s mouth is say: “If you say one more word to me I’m leaving.” They might say something like: “Aren’t you going to work?” You say: “I’m drunk! I’m going to sleep. Good night!” End of discussion. Repeat this procedure the next ime your other steps out of line. You won’t have to repeat it very often.

Of course you can always divorce a spouse, you can’t divorce your kids. Those little fuckers will find you even across State lines. It’s time to show those brats the cold hard hand of Johnny P.

Kids today are fond of backtalk. Especially if they were raised anywhere near New York City with these fruity ass ineffective parents. You got to let your kids know two things. They live in your house and you’re bigger than they are.

First things first, your kids don’t have jobs. They never have, so it is virtually impossible for them to own anything. Remind them that nearly everything they think they own is merely on loan to them from you. If they question this proposition take something of their they like and give it to someone else. Or better yet, use it yourself. Remind them that they are basically unemployed freeloaders. If they complain tell them you’ll make them sleep in the shed.

Secondly, don’t be afraid to pop a kid in the mouth. Little smart-ass brat. It’s an important life lesson, the strong dominate the weak. It’s up to the weak to either grow to like it or stay in line.

I know what you’re thinking. This type of parenting borders on illegal and will leave children mentally scared for years. First, Texas borders on Mexico, but it ain’t Mexico. Second, so what? Name on person you know who hasn’t been scared of years. At least your kids will have a name and face for their torment. Years later you can even cop to it, saving them thousands on therapy.

WWJPD with friends?

Johnny Paycheck doesn’t have friend. He has people he drinks with, people he fights and people he fucks; sometimes they’re the same person. So forget the fruity bullshit idea about friends and sharing and hugging each other and shit. Go out, drink with somebody, start a fight with them and then go fuck them. That’s what Johnny would do.

Obliviously much of this would require a complete lifestyle change. Great, I’ve been meaning to tell you: You lifestyle is bullshit. When was the last time you fell in love? Johnny Paycheck falls in love every night. When was the last time you hated someone’s guts? Johnny is hating someone’s guts right now. When was the last time there was something worth you writing a song about? Johnny writes songs all the time, they may not be good, but they’re true. Read more!

The Beatles announce their breaking up in order to pursue less interesting careers. Wackiness ensues Read more!

Kurt Cobain February 20, 1967 - April 5, 1994 Read more!

So I've just learn from Skittlepuppy that ELLEgirl has closed down. I guess they told the staff last night that friday will be their last day.

The good news is you get a three day weekend. The bad news? Well....

So Samara and Lizzy are both on the market if anyone has any positions for hot smart girls. At least one of them speaks French. Actually Brit Brit just quit at The Daily News so I've got three Journalist out of work. That's a lot of cute mouths for 26 Reds to feed.

This is a prefect time for me to announce I'm planning on launching a leisure class magazine. The title? Well, for that I turned to my Fuck You Pills bandmate, RAP.

ME: I'm starting a magazine, what should I call it?
RAP: (not a seconds hesitation) SnotRag! Bam, done!
ME: F'n brilliant.

So I'm taking resumes for writers and other contributors at 26reds@gmail.com, or any other e-mail you might have for me. So far the staff is just me and three hotties.

The mag will be covering the lives and interested of snotnosed assholes and sarcastic doughbags like me. Fucking brilliant. For the first issue I'm sending Brit Brit and MAry to run with the bulls in Pamplona. Read more!

I don't know how much television you watch but if you were watching on Saturday you might of caught some of the odd slackerisque 'The More You Know" ads that featured cast members of The Office. They were part of a pretty fucking hilarious April Fools bit. If you missed any of them they are all here. My favorite is The Fugitive one. Clearly I should be watching this show.

Speaking of The Office, I figured I'd mention the podcast by The Office (UK version) creator Rick Gervais. They have their moments. Read more!

Bebe Buell – Covers Girl, 1981

My Little Red Book (originally by Love)
Wild One Forever (originally by Tom Petty)
Little Black Egg (originally by The Nightcrawlers)
Funtime (originally by Iggy Pop)
[ED note: The audio track above is from Bebe's website and is a really bad transfer. -jrk]


Bebe Buell is most notable to people of my generation for passing Liv Tyler through her vagina. Liv Tyler is most notable to people of my generation for getting half naked with Alicia Silverstone in an Aerosmith video. Alicia Silverstone is most notable to people of my generation for not fitting into her Batgirl costume for Joel Schumacher’s Batman and Robin. Joel Schumacher is most notable to people of my generation for directing Lost Boys. Lost Boys is most notable to people of my generation for having the most buff half naked saxophone player in the history of American cinema, so there ya go.

I guess at the heart of ever pointless hanger-on groupie is someone who wants to be a star. I mean, just look at Cynthia Plaster Caster. No, on second thought, don’t look at Cynthia Plaster Caster. Bebe was the perfect groupie; she was sort of famous on her own having posed on magazine and in Playboy in Nov. 1974. I guess she was like a Kate Moss for the power ballad generation, but without all that camera phone footage.

So there is a bit of a debate about exactly how this four track EP came about. The generally excepted story was that in Feb of 1981 The Cars lead singer and professional super-model banger Rick Ocasek produced the B-side with the rest of The Cars indulging Rick’s attempt at getting some Bebe booty. Naturally this story purports Bebe to have an amazing singing voice. One that Ocasek simply had to record.

"I would've made a record a long time ago, but I wanted to do it when people would accept me as a singer instead of somebody's girlfriend. Elvis [Costello] heard me singing to an old Smokey Robinson song that was on the radio one day and he said I was incredible. That was good enough for me." Of course he was fucking her at the time.

The Cars sound so tight on these two tracks. Ben Orr does such a great job on Funtime. Her vocals aren’t bad, Bebe gets rock and roll, I’ll give her that, be Funtime doesn’t give much chance for vocal range and she sings Little Black Egg like she’s an eight year old. The Cars backing tracks were so good that Rick Ocasek rerecorded the vocals to both songs himself and released Cars versions of both songs on the 1995 Best of The Cars collection.

The Derringer produced tracks are rather forgettable so I’ll say little about them other then they suck.

Funtime is the real takeaway here. Little black Egg (originally by The Nightcrawlers) is good too but Funtime (originally by Iggy Pop) is so much better. It’s just a better song. Anyway. She’s still pretty hot, I must say.

PS - I bought this record for four bucks at A1 Records on Sixth and Ave A.

PPS – Bebe is playing at Irving Plaza on May 19th if you care. Read more!

I want to get this out of the way early. I had some trouble posting this last Tuesday. Here ya go.

The Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band - Roundabout Read more!

Click to read... Read more!

Today in 1895 the trial began against Marquess Of Queensberry, who was accused of libeling Oscar Wilde by calling him a sodomite. The Marquess was unhappy that Wilde was diddling his son Lord Alfred Douglas. The trail lead to Wilde's own indecency case which landed him in a labor camp. Not cool dude. Read more!

Speaking of killing the landlords, there is a bunch of Chinese art in town.

First there was this in the Times on Thursday.

Now this at Film Forum.

After the People's Revolution Mao's wife and three time beat-a-baby-with-a-stick champion Jiang Qing banned all tradistional Chinese opera and commissioned these new revolutionary operas. These are awesomely bizarre mixes of Chinese Communist propaganda and garish Broadway music. Imagine Oklahoma where the landlords get shot and everyone is forced to work on government farms. Instead of singing "Oh, what a beautiful morning..." Curly sings "Oh, what an honorable Chairman Mao, most excellent leader of the people..." I don't know, it just doesn't zip, ya know? I'm actually going to go check it out tonight. If I post on Tuesday about the Honorable Chairman you'll know why. Here is the trailer.

Just to wrap up this whole commie thing check out this site where for a few of your hard earn corn rations to can have yourself inserted into a classic Chinese propaganda poster. It's going to be the "IT" birthday present this year.

PS - It's shit like that post on the 347 building that makes the idea of shooting the landlords so exciting.

Points for identifying the quote used as this post's title. Alex, you can't guess. Read more!

A few weeks ago M-CAT and I were walking home (we live near each other) when we passed the building at 347 West 16th street. The exterior looked thusly.That's a red cross disaster relief post on the door.

Wasn't sure what that was about. Now I know. Real Estate in New York has reached yet another disguisting low. When to we get to string these landlords up? Cause I'll spring for the rope. Read more!