26 REDS & A BOTTLE OF WINE

WELL, sir, you lose. It was 31 years ago today that a 25 year old nurse from Queens pushed the world's most obnoxious jackass out of her vagina. It would be many many long years before I would see a 25 year old vagina again.

Okay, that's a cheap joke.

Cut me some slack. it's my birthday

Also it was 36 years ago that Jimi learned about the importance of sleeping on you stomach. Read more!

My friend DJ's band, Dirty on Purpose is featured on this week's "All Songs Considered" on NPR. Check it out here Read more!

A new mix tape? Geez!

This one started as the perfect mixtape for an afternoon in the Natural History Museum. It ended up being dedicated to Twiggy so make of all that what you will...

J.R.Knight - Twiggy 01
J.R.Knight - Twiggy 02 Read more!

Just thought you'd like to know.

Skittlepuppy says: "cynicism and positivity are very similar sometimes. they both generate sarcastic humor".

I agree... your thoughts? Read more!

Many a 26 Reds reader have asked of me, either by e-mail or at one of my many NA meetings what I've done during my long summer vacation. Well it wouldn't be a summer vacation without a fair share of drunken mornings, crying jags and self inflected wounds to the abdomen so let's just take all that as given and move on:

I BEAT A CARNIE IN POOL. Like most people I have a rather grim image of carnival folk embedded deep in my mind. The image of foul smelling degenerates with no teeth and skin like a leather handbag, swindling young mothers and bikers out of fist fulls of Canadian quarters and cocaine soaked in anti-freeze. I learned over vaca that this is not an accurate depiction. Many carnies have teeth. as many as a bakers dozen. See, you learn every day. The best thing about beating a carnie in pool in a biker bar in Croton on Hudson is that he never saw it coming. The look on his face was a combination of surprise and the look you make when you mean to fart but sort of shit yourself. Priceless.

I WAS ALONE IN THE EUROPEAN PAINTING WING OF THE MET FOR AN HOUR. For legal reasons I don't want to go into why I was alone in the Met's European wing. I'd rather just make a European joke, as in "U'r a peein' paintings? You should have that checked out!"

I ATE CHICKEN FALAFEL EVERYDAY FOR A WEEK. I'm never eating falafel again.

I DEBATED POLITICS WITH A STRIPPER. New York City is a wonderful place. Where else can you get into a fight over the Bush Administration at 2 in the morning with a stripper? In most cities you can't do that after 1.

I BOUGHT A GRAPEFRUIT KNIFE. Now I have to start eating grapefruit.

I WENT TO DELAWARE. I don't have anything else to say about this.

I HAD "UR A FAGGOT" TEXT MESSAGED TO ME EVERYDAY FOR A WEEK. It's hard to take someone seriously when this is their idea of a threat. Make no mistake. This wasn't some playful jabbing. This guy hates me and this was the best he could come up with. Of this RAP said: "I think that the funniest thing I've ever seen written down." I'd agree.

As you can see it's been a busy few weeks. Lots of fun, lots of tylenol PM, lots of broken promises. Yay!! Read more!

The question on everyone's lips is: "Is 26 Reds ever getting back from Vaca?" The answer is Yes, bitch!

I'm back, I'm black and I'm ready to roll!!! Read more!