26 REDS & A BOTTLE OF WINE

26RedsMag.com

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This truely is the story that keeps on giving. Read more!

WELL, sir, you lose. It was 31 years ago today that a 25 year old nurse from Queens pushed the world's most obnoxious jackass out of her vagina. It would be many many long years before I would see a 25 year old vagina again.

Okay, that's a cheap joke.

Cut me some slack. it's my birthday

Also it was 36 years ago that Jimi learned about the importance of sleeping on you stomach. Read more!

My friend DJ's band, Dirty on Purpose is featured on this week's "All Songs Considered" on NPR. Check it out here Read more!

A new mix tape? Geez!

This one started as the perfect mixtape for an afternoon in the Natural History Museum. It ended up being dedicated to Twiggy so make of all that what you will...

J.R.Knight - Twiggy 01
J.R.Knight - Twiggy 02 Read more!

Just thought you'd like to know.

Skittlepuppy says: "cynicism and positivity are very similar sometimes. they both generate sarcastic humor".

I agree... your thoughts? Read more!

Many a 26 Reds reader have asked of me, either by e-mail or at one of my many NA meetings what I've done during my long summer vacation. Well it wouldn't be a summer vacation without a fair share of drunken mornings, crying jags and self inflected wounds to the abdomen so let's just take all that as given and move on:

I BEAT A CARNIE IN POOL. Like most people I have a rather grim image of carnival folk embedded deep in my mind. The image of foul smelling degenerates with no teeth and skin like a leather handbag, swindling young mothers and bikers out of fist fulls of Canadian quarters and cocaine soaked in anti-freeze. I learned over vaca that this is not an accurate depiction. Many carnies have teeth. as many as a bakers dozen. See, you learn every day. The best thing about beating a carnie in pool in a biker bar in Croton on Hudson is that he never saw it coming. The look on his face was a combination of surprise and the look you make when you mean to fart but sort of shit yourself. Priceless.

I WAS ALONE IN THE EUROPEAN PAINTING WING OF THE MET FOR AN HOUR. For legal reasons I don't want to go into why I was alone in the Met's European wing. I'd rather just make a European joke, as in "U'r a peein' paintings? You should have that checked out!"

I ATE CHICKEN FALAFEL EVERYDAY FOR A WEEK. I'm never eating falafel again.

I DEBATED POLITICS WITH A STRIPPER. New York City is a wonderful place. Where else can you get into a fight over the Bush Administration at 2 in the morning with a stripper? In most cities you can't do that after 1.

I BOUGHT A GRAPEFRUIT KNIFE. Now I have to start eating grapefruit.

I WENT TO DELAWARE. I don't have anything else to say about this.

I HAD "UR A FAGGOT" TEXT MESSAGED TO ME EVERYDAY FOR A WEEK. It's hard to take someone seriously when this is their idea of a threat. Make no mistake. This wasn't some playful jabbing. This guy hates me and this was the best he could come up with. Of this RAP said: "I think that the funniest thing I've ever seen written down." I'd agree.

As you can see it's been a busy few weeks. Lots of fun, lots of tylenol PM, lots of broken promises. Yay!! Read more!

The question on everyone's lips is: "Is 26 Reds ever getting back from Vaca?" The answer is Yes, bitch!

I'm back, I'm black and I'm ready to roll!!! Read more!

First of all let me say that either I've become dumber or writing a screenplay has gotten harder. This thing is kicking my ass. Anyway. I'm extending 26Reds' vaca until after labor day which will allow for wear and tear. And also for me being a fuck up and a bit of a drunkie and a druggie. Anywho..... I'm finding truth and deliverance which is more than you'll ever find you fuck... sorry.... no fuck you.... I'm not sorry.... you fuck.....

Anywho..... I wanted to say this.... Since 9/11... you know, that whole thing with the planes and the ruining our lives.... I wake up every morning prepared for the worst. Seriously, The first thing I've done every morning since september 12, 2001 is read CNN.com. And I read it prepared for the worst. I mean I'm ready for anything. I was totally unprepared for this morning when they arrested some dude for killing JonBenet Ramsey. I was totally caught out there. What the fuck!?! So I guess her dad didn't rapea and kill her... our bad!!! Seriously, not our fault... that family was FUCKED!!!! anywho.... see you later assholes!!!! Read more!

I'm taking a month off from thinking about different ways to voice my displeasure with modern life to write a screenplay about my displeasure with modern life. I'll be back mid Aug. In the meantime...

I'm looking for an illustrator interested in drawing new episode of the very popular and underrepresented Mr. Sophisticate: The World's Most Sophisticated Hobo. Send any inquires to my e-mail.

I'm also looking for a new apartment which I'm going to need Oct 1st. I'm looking in New York and Berlin.

Later Gators.

J.R.Knight Read more!