26 REDS & A BOTTLE OF WINE

So... here's the deal. I've been avoiding this for a long time now because it hurts, and I hate to hurt but the truth will make me a beautiful butterfly.

Gawker is OVER.

God it's such bullshit. It's been months and months since Gawker had anything interesting to say or any way to say it.

Take Gawker's shining moment for example. Last year (or maybe the year before, I forget) some fresh out of college media buyer got drunk at Fox's upfront party at The Park and shit her pants. Okay, let me start over and give only the important info: Some girl shit her pants at a party and her name was all over Gawker. For a good week it was the greatest thing that had ever happened to the free world. People were losing their jobs, people were sending in college photos and testimonials. It was great. It was all anyone could talk about.

Now Gawker is like the guy who watches Desperate Housewives and then makes fun of it but everyone knows he secretly loves it because the detailing is too on the nose. It's like: "how would he know that unless he's been watching week after week?" That guy. That guy is the worst kind of loser. Worse than the guy who ran the high school AV Club. Worse than the guy who played chess in study hall. It's fake cool. It’s the opposite of cool. It's cold. It's Gawker.

I used to read Gawker all day. Ever hour would bring the joy of refreshing my Gawker page. Then, at some point, it stopped being fun and started being like being at the uncool party during graduation weekend. Not the uncool party who knew they were uncool so they were like "fuck it! There are no hot girls here and no cool people are coming so let's watch Star Trek Voyager and eat cheese-its until we get sick", no. It's the uncool party where everyone bad mouths the cool kids; saying she's a slut and he's gay, yet secretly hoping they both show up (but they won't) In short; Gawker has turned that most vile of New York emotions: Bitter.

Bitter? Yes, Bitter is the end of the New York road. Everything else flies here: envy, hate, greed, but bitterness? Bitterness means it's time to pack up and head about 60 miles north, buy a farmhouse and grow tomatoes.

I don't know when it happened. Like the glaziers it was too slow to notice. Yet I can't help but feel like it was sometime during Gawker's extended anti-Radar Magazine phase. No one noticed Radar magazine. I've never seen one, except on Gawker. Yet Gawker spent hundreds of posts on ever coming and going at Radar. If Radar took a shit, Gawker was there to bitch about it.

Maybe that was the beginning of the end, maybe not. Regardless, I haven't read Gawker with any seriousness in months. I treat it now the way I treat Fox News or a retarded cousin; with a pat on the head and a smile.