26 REDS & A BOTTLE OF WINE

Okay, so Warren Buffet gives 37 Billion dollars to charity, well, one charity. It's kind of hard for me to say anything bad about that. I mean the man just gave away more money than all of my blood relatives have earned combined since the creation of currency.

Let me say that another way. Warren Buffet just GAVE AWAY enough money to give every man, woman and child on Earth 6 bucks American! And still have a billion dollars left around. You know, in case...

Hard to hate on him. I give change to the homeless sometimes. A couple of weeks ago I gave the guy who holds the door open for you at McDonalds (like that's a real job... hey, buddy, I can get the door!) a four piece McNuggets. Here's how that went...


Guy Who Holds Open the Door at McDonald's (Like That's a Real Job!!): Any change.
Me: No... You want a four piece McNuggets?
Guy Who Holds Open the Door at McDonald's (Like That's a Real Job!!): That'll work!

I shit you not... That was the REAL exchange. Of course I didn't call a press conference or anything... I guess some people are just more starved for attention than others.

Anyway, I just wanted to point out that he still has 10 Billion dollars left. It's like a really bad remake of Bruster's Millions. I guess Bill Gates is the fat guy!

You know what the problem with being Bill Gates is? No one is impressed by your charity. If Bill Gates walked up to me on the street and said: "You look like a nice young man. Here's a million dollars." I'd be like: "That's it? You cheap fuck!" I bet Bill Gates gives out million dollar checks all the time. I bet he has a bag full of million dollar cashier checks. Of course he doesn't carry them, he has a guy. But when he gives some poor family a million dollars no one cares. Still, it's a fucking million dollars!!!

It's like when Oprah gave everyone in her audience a new car. Can you imagine being at the next taping and you get some scented candles and a gift certificate to Cinnabon? I would shove those candles down her fat next.

God - this post ends on such a downer...