26 REDS & A BOTTLE OF WINE

We here at 26 Reds would like to announce a new feature of our beloved website. Our Person of the Week.

This weeks person of the week hails from the great state Florida; home to Terry Shivo, the BTK Killer and Epcot Center.

Meet 16-year-old Kurt William Cass. Young Kurt enjoys history class, video games and, apparently, beer. After his Grandmother refused to give him 100 dollars for beer boy genius here put a knife to granny’s throat and threatened to slice. Grandma made the wise choice not to die and drove fat boy down to the local gas station for some beer. As soon as Lardo the Magnificent (his stage name) got out of the car Granny gunned it, leaving tubby here high, dry and covered in a thin layer of road dust.

Naturally he took this well and huffed and puffed his way back to the family’s estate. Once home he broke in and beat his 60 year old Nana to a pulp with a piece of PVC pipe.

He’s charged with domestic aggravated assault, domestic aggravated battery, attempted robbery and kidnapping. Cops down there in Tampa “life begins at conception” Bay have yet to file attempted murder charges, cause, you know, why bother.

Naturally this is not Kurt’s first time in cuffs, nor his last.

So where is his mother and father in all this? Come on, you know, say it with me… jail!

Dad killed a hooker and mom was a coke dealer.

So for beating your 60-year-old grandmother over beer money, Kurt William Cass… you are 26 Reds and a Bottle of Wine’s Person of the Week!!!