26 REDS & A BOTTLE OF WINE

Let me introduce to you Sean Ramiro Lopez (photo redacted), a Clement middle School science teacher in Redlands, California. Mr. Sean “grab-ass” Lopez has been busy lately lowering standards for grade school teachers everywhere.

It seems Professor Lopez convinced three male students to partake, in the name of science mind you, in a program to help strengthen their muscles and genitals as well as check their semen. You’ll want to check your semen every 5,000 miles or so.

This “program”, which has been discontinued as part of the Presidential Program on Fitness, involved the boys watching porno and masturbating. Turns out I’ve been enrolled in this program for about 15 years!

Naturally they weren’t doing it right so he decided that for the sake of science it would be best if he did it for them. For his part the good teacher admits to the whole thing but claims that the kids weren’t all that traumatized and so he should get a maximum of ten years. They may not be traumatized yet, but wait till this shit gets around school. Trauma is going to look like a walk in the park.

As horrible as Professor Sticky Fingers is who the fuck are these kids? I mean, even in middle school this would of stunk to high hell. Mr. Mancuso tells me he wants to check my semen and he gets a swift kick in his test tubes!

So in the name of science, and for creeping us all out for the next seven days, Professor Sean Ramiro Lopez, you are 26 Reds and a Bottle of Wine's Person of the Week!!